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Salem Family Law Blog

Red flags that indicate a future divorce

Some spouses in Oregon are unhappy in their relationships but have doubts about separating. The decision to split up would be easier if there was one major sign that pointed toward divorce. However, the truth is that divorce is usually much more complicated, and there are several factors at play that drive couples apart.

Some couples have unhealthy, disrespectful, and combative relationships but stay together because they think it's best for the children. If these couples are not able to work on their marriage as the children grow up, they will likely divorce when their kids leave home. In many cases, it does not do the couple any good to stay together simply because the children are their only tie.

How a parents' breakup affects young children

Divorce is stressful for the couple separating, but it also has a profound effect on children in Oregon. The specific impact typically varies based on the child's age, and it can be very confusing for young ones.

According to Parents.com, toddlers have an especially hard time when it comes to divorce because they have a very strong bond with their parents. Any disruption at home can be hard to understand, and they think it is their fault. Some issues parents may notice include:

  • Toilet training regression
  • Excessive crying
  • Attention seeking
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Thumb sucking

Recognizing signs of parental alienation

Unfortunately, it is not at all uncommon for Oregon divorces to turn ugly and acrimonious, and if you find yourself embroiled in such a divorce, you may have concerns about how it could potentially impact your children. Sometimes, parents navigating their way through divorces have particularly hard feelings toward one another, and in some instances, they may try to pass those hard feelings on to any children they share with their exes. Attorney Daniel J. Lounsbury recognizes that doing so can hinder not only the co-parenting relationship, but the shared child’s well-being, and he has helped many clients navigating these and similar circumstances pursue solutions that meet their needs.

Per Psychology Today, the process of one parent attempting to turn a child against the other parent is known as “parental alienation.” This type of behavior essentially involves one parent making repeated efforts to make it appear as if the other parent is inept, insufficient, uncaring or even dangerous.

How do you modify child custody in Oregon?

It is true that there could be situations in which you could modify a child custody decision in Oregon. However, most attorneys would probably tell you to try and be as thorough as possible in your initial negotiations during divorce. Facing everything at once has the potential to be exhausting, but it is often worth it in the long run.

Of course, nobody can plan for every eventuality. If your situation has changed and you believe that you need a different agreement, you may be able to change your child custody order. This typically would involve renegotiating terms with your co-parent and completing forms for a court to approve.

Setting children up for educational success despite divorce

Divorce can be difficult for every family member of a couple, but especially the children they have shared together. If proper measures are not taken to reduce the effect that a divorce has on children, they may experience difficult emotional turmoil that could interfere with many areas of their life including their education. If two parents are getting a divorce in Oregon, it is imperative that they begin looking at their children's education endeavors immediately to reduce the negative effects that their separation will have on their children's future. 

If possible, parents should turn their focus to their children despite their disagreements in regards to their own relationship. If amicable efforts to agree upon educational goals is not doable, each parent should do their best individually to pursue what is best for their children from an educational standpoint. 

What happens if your ex fails to pay child support in Oregon?

When you have a child support order in place in Oregon, you probably expect that your child’s other parent will do his or her duty and pay the child support on time and as ordered. Regrettably, however, this is not always the way things work, and in some situations, you may need the state to intervene if you are not getting the amount your child support order dictates. Just what might the state be able to do to help you get your hands on the child support owed to you?

According to the Oregon Department of Justice, the state may step in and collect child support in a number of different ways when someone with an existing child support order fails to uphold its terms. One such method might involve withholding any state or federal tax refunds intended for the nonpaying parent until you receive the total amount owed to you.

What matters can you address in a co-parenting plan?

When you split from your Oregon spouse, you will undoubtedly need to untangle your lives from one another’s, and if you share children you both plan to parent moving forward, you will need to figure out how to effectively co-parent. Co-parenting almost always involves a significant adjustment, but the more you and your child’s other parent can agree to when it comes to raising your shared child, the better off that child will likely be.

According to Psychology Today, a co-parenting plan is a written document that prioritizes your child’s needs, and it can outline any number of different guidelines you and your ex agree to abide by while you parent your child moving forward. Co-parenting plans can contain information about any number of areas of your child’s life, and as you can probably imagine, the contents of such a plan may need updating as your child grows older.

Should you use divorce mediation?

Married couples who are splitting up in Oregon and want the divorce process to be cost-effective and less stressful may want to consider mediation. This process can be very beneficial to not only the soon-to-be-ex spouses, but also for any children involved. However, it is also important to know that it is not always the right choice for every couple or situation.

According to Money Crashers, a mediator helps the couple work through the decision-making process in regard to asset and debt division, child custody and spousal support. This process can be advantageous because it reduces the emotional toll, improves communication, cuts down on costs and typically is a shorter process than court proceedings. It is a good choice for those who can get along amicably and want to do what is best for them and their children. 

Facilitating your child's recovery after domestic violence

Domestic violence can have lasting and damaging effects for you and anyone who has witnessed the abuse. If your former spouse in Oregon was perpetrating your abuse and your children were present at the time of the mistreatment, they may react for years to come because of the trauma they endured. At Daniel J. Lounsbury Attorney at Law, we have been able to provide support to many victims of domestic violence. 

Perhaps the most important step you can take is to remove yourself and your children from the abusive situation you are in. Often, this is much easier said than done and may require secretive movements and support from people closest to you. When you are confident that your welfare and that of your children, is indeed secure, it is time to begin the process of healing and helping your children to recover and move forward with their lives. 

Jealousy and custody disputes

The emotional impact of the divorce process can be intense, and people may struggle with various negative feelings while they are bringing their marriage to an end (these emotions can also linger after the divorce process is complete). Aside from depression, or even anger, some people may have a difficult time with jealousy. For example, a parent may be jealous due to the amount of time that their child’s other parent will be able to spend with the child, or they may be upset because of some other facet of the custody process. These emotions can become especially strong when a difficult dispute occurs.

It is very important to manage your emotions properly during a dispute over child custody. The actions you take at this time could play a major role in your future relationship with your child, and they may impact your child’s life in different ways. Negative feelings like jealousy, when left unchecked, can have a detrimental impact on a parent’s ability to secure a favorable outcome. Of course, a certain amount of jealousy may be unavoidable and relatively harmless. However, those who become extremely jealous may allow their emotions to cloud their judgment, which can be problematic during such a crucial time.

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